It's 1:00a.m. It's a new day and a new and refreshed me. I think real is refreshing. And I'm ready to be real.
I think obedience is the place to live and I'm ready to live there.
I think caring less about what people think and more about what my Creator/Father/Friend thinks, is what it's about.
You know when you KNOW something, just deep inside. Well I just realized that almost all of my KNOWING moments had a lightly penciled in ????? after it. Like these lies that had crept into my thoughts and began to filter every moment, every truth, every KNOWING with a ????
"Do you really know that?" "Do you really believe that?" "Do you really hear from God?"
Wow... and I'm ready! To erase the ????? and to add a !!!!!!!!!!
Yes! I do know! I do believe! I do hear!
I know I am supposed to write. He's made it clear it so many ways. Specifically in an undeniable way-- having a total and complete stranger, come to me in a dark crowded room and He gave her the words to speak directly to my heart to where I was at and that I needed to write. And that it was meant to be shared.
There is a part of me that feels like vomiting every time in the past that I've felt the need to write and then share something I've written. What could be more gut-wrenching? To write down something and share it and feel like every word could be scrutinized over, picked apart? I'm a perfectionist as well-- who would like to write something and then proof it a hundred times before anyone else's eyes would see it. I do not have time for that. Repeat (to self). I do not have time for that. By the miracle chance that I get the time to sit and write. That's it. one and done baby. And that's what's going to happen.
It's an obedience walk. It's going to be real... which means it's going to be messy. If you prefer to not join the mess-- then please refrain from reading.
These are my 1am ramblings after an incredible eye-opening experience with my lover (Cole) and the lover of my soul (Jesus).
I will not be afraid. I will just write and share as I believe I know
I'm supposed to.
And now my baby is awake and needs his mommy to feed him. Thank you Jesus for this sweet boy AND the fact that I can stop this writing now. :)
Labels: believe, change, comparison, feelings, grace, I'm not perfect, insecurities, Jesus, life-changing, reality